Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Let me out!

Not sure what the hell I am meant to do, I mean I know what I want to do but it's like I am living a double life. My insides scream I want to be free, but my outside has me locked in. 
I can't express myself,I know I hide behind  a smile and giggles, I'm constantly putting others before myself and never find time to pursue my dreams,then I find myself mopping and asking myself why? 
I know why I want to better my future but getting started is difficult or at least that is how I am finding it to be.

Autism sucks! ever since I started finding out the symptoms so I could better understand what my son was going threw I learn more and more about myself. I could identify (Autism) in myself and it explained so many things about me when I was young. In that part I am somewhat glad to know what made me be the way I was , but know that I am older and I want to pursue a different lifestyle I can't I feel it is holding me back and I am tired of fighting within myself and getting no where.

Of course that it not the only thing that prevents me from moving forward. It's not easy trying to run after a dream and deal with life's ups and downs, but some how I manage to do it, never looking at the problem and always focusing on a solution. Mmmm? maybe I need to focus harder...

Life is like a recipe from a cook book, you pick out what it is you want to create, get all the ingredients and follow the instructions to the dot, But fail to follow all the ingredients and your creation will never be as you expected it to be.
In life you set your goal and try your best to follow threw, but sometimes you try to cut corners or maybe over due it in some way and when you come to the end of the road you find that your dreams where not as they where thought out to be,feelings and emotion take over followed by disappointment and self pity then you crawl back into your hole and ask yourself why?



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