Monday, January 16, 2017

11620174:54AM Monday

Woke up by the touch of my husband and the sound of his voice telling me to wake up and that he was going to do some breakfast for me. Glad he did wake me up because I was having the worst dream, I had this white ford truck and I was at some town, I had parked my truck at a parking lot but when I went to pass by it was not there, I turned around and started to look for it desperately. Lucky for me that is when Fred woke me up. Usually I get really bad migraines when I start dreaming these kinds of dreams. Thank God today was not that kind of a day, Well time to get ready for work, wish I had a day of like my kid so I could spend it with them. ...

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Let me out!

Not sure what the hell I am meant to do, I mean I know what I want to do but it's like I am living a double life. My insides scream I want to be free, but my outside has me locked in. 
I can't express myself,I know I hide behind  a smile and giggles, I'm constantly putting others before myself and never find time to pursue my dreams,then I find myself mopping and asking myself why? 
I know why I want to better my future but getting started is difficult or at least that is how I am finding it to be.

Autism sucks! ever since I started finding out the symptoms so I could better understand what my son was going threw I learn more and more about myself. I could identify (Autism) in myself and it explained so many things about me when I was young. In that part I am somewhat glad to know what made me be the way I was , but know that I am older and I want to pursue a different lifestyle I can't I feel it is holding me back and I am tired of fighting within myself and getting no where.

Of course that it not the only thing that prevents me from moving forward. It's not easy trying to run after a dream and deal with life's ups and downs, but some how I manage to do it, never looking at the problem and always focusing on a solution. Mmmm? maybe I need to focus harder...

Life is like a recipe from a cook book, you pick out what it is you want to create, get all the ingredients and follow the instructions to the dot, But fail to follow all the ingredients and your creation will never be as you expected it to be.
In life you set your goal and try your best to follow threw, but sometimes you try to cut corners or maybe over due it in some way and when you come to the end of the road you find that your dreams where not as they where thought out to be,feelings and emotion take over followed by disappointment and self pity then you crawl back into your hole and ask yourself why?



Thursday, October 27, 2016

I'm coin operated! There I said it!!

Hard to admit, but it is true! I know and I am fully aware of the benefits of being able to have my own business and making my own money. Not only for the economic part of it but also for the change in how I view the possibilities of becoming a better person for it, learning and being able to teach others to find there way to a better life style and most importantly a more positive life.

It think that trying to stop being a coin operated monkey is more like being an addict. ounce your hooked to it , it's hard to stop. One needs to go to a rehab to stop being addicted to it. I guess you can say that rehab in this case would be surrounding myself with people that are living the life that I dream to living, and reading self development, business development, and health development books. Surrounding myself with positive minded people that have been where I am know.

But before I do this I have to come clean with myself, admit to myself that I am a coin operated human being and genuinely confirm and commit myself to taking steps to becoming a self motivated business woman that I can see myself aiming toward my own goals and dreams. (easier said then done...) I don't know why but as I write this, it seems like I know what I want, but I can feel this doubt in my heart. Why?

Negative heart? I think this it do to the fact that being a coin operated person, not making the time to seek knowledge and feed my brain with positive things has lead me to feel poor of myself. Like everything positive that I can think of can become shot down with the slightest negativity. Where I work, I see this allot , people shooting down other peoples dreams and ideas. I realize know that people that live in a coin operated world, believe that having a rank is what empowers them to look down on others. The job position that I hold seems to make people at work think that I am not a smart person and that maybe I am only good for the job that I hold at the moment. ( I am a Housekeeper) But I am not stupid! I know that I am procrastinating in showing my talents to the world. I know I can do more and I know it is time to progress and help other people excel at there dreams to.

I don't want to be a leader, because I am a leader! I don't ever want to say "I want to" because
"I AM!" I believe that is my biggest mistake, To say I want to when in reality I need to say I AM. There is a difference, the kind of difference that you can feel it in your Heart! It's like a feeling of pride that over whelms me so much that it brings me to tears of happiness. "like when I sing the Pledge of Allegiance, it fills me with pride and make me cry with happiness."

This is only the beginning.... but for know it's bed time! Baby step, baby steps...


Thursday, June 2, 2016

People just don't want to work.

Don't get it? You need the job, but you don't want to work ?
Four people have work in my department,  and they all quit .  The last one lasted a little longer them the last two, at least.
I would rather work it alone then to have to work with another person that is going to quit the job. It's stressful,  time consuming,  and a waist of their money.
Today's people are so focused on trying to find the easy jobs that they prefer to live in misery and depth then have to do manual work. Incredible!  This has turned in to a society of week minded people,  who's vanity and laziness has Empowered. That is sad! They want, want, want , but are not willing to bend there backs for it.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Been away for a bit.

Still somewhat lost but I guess it's now or never. The most important man in my life, my father. He has giving up so much for us,but this time wow....
He has but my brother and I on a path I  was never expecting to take. Opportunities like this come only ounce in a life time. So how could I say no to this. I'm all in and ready to except knowledge into my life. I admit it is alot to learn,  but I'm ready and willing to make this happen. Actually I'm looking for "birddogs" if you happen to be interested please let me know. I need contacts from all over I want to turn this opportunity into one I can travel and take my family with me to travel as well. What better way to live life then to work, play and help others along the way.  So have you guessed what I'm into?

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Computer where are you!

Need a Computer!
I mean , I need a computer not that I'm offering one.
My computers are pretty much just parts of old computers put together to make one, it does not have working parts and it sort of makes it hard to work with. Especially when you have homework.  My brother gave me a miniature one but it's supper slow, I can remember wait an hour to get started, and then when it's done, we'll there is always some kind of problem. Just got to have faith that things will get better. ...

Monday, May 23, 2016

A DOG to Remember.

There have been many dogs in my life. But not 1 dog can compare to my mini. Mini was a stray dog I remember being in the truck riding with my dad. When I looked far down the road I could see why that was a squirrel tied to log. The squirrel was dragging the log and got to the middle of the street at least I thought it was a squirrel. As we got closer I noticed it was a dog and I screamed out Daddy stop Daddy stop. And my father stop the truck and in a blink of an eye I was already out of the car and untangling the dog from the log. I remember my father putting his hands on his head and saying your mother is going to kill me. I picked up this stray dog and boy did she stink  but I didn't care. I took her into my arms and got right into the truck. My father looked at me and he knew I could not let the dog go. So as he rambled on about what Mom would say, how she did not want any more dogs in the house, I just kept on hugging  the dog and making sure it was okay. When we got home mom came out to the porch and the first thing she sees was the dog, she turned around and walked   back to the kitchen. I can hear mom and dad talking about the dog and how the dog could not sleep in the house that we had to make a dog house outside. I really didn't care because I knew Daddy would fix it. All I wanted to do was give the dog a bath give her some food and keep hugging her, just to let her know that she was OK and that she was loved and that I was going to protect her. The dog became very loyal, anyone that would raise their voice at me she would immediately show them her teeth, ready to bite if needed.  She was always around trying to protect me she loves me very much and I loved her very much too. I knew I wanted to name her Minnesota , I wanted a big name for her just to symbolize the amount of Love I felt for her. But after a while, I made it short for mini. Mani stood with me for 5 years she was a street dog so she like to be on the streets she would kill rats actually, she would kill Ducks to. I remember I had 6 ducks and they were all running around outside and every time I would go outside I see one dead?. Dad and I couldn't explain why my ducks were dying until I found out that Mini was killing them of course when I found out she was the one killing them, she had killed the last one. Butt unfortunately she also liked to kill rats and she got sick with hepatitis and she died. It was very painful to have lost her I cried for months I could feel her presence around the house, even doe I new she was gone.  Dad and I buried her under the fruit tree and she is still there. I will never forget her she was a very special dog and I love you very much.  It took me a long time to get over her, and still today I cry every time I talk about her. What about you? Did you ever have a dog or an animal that you loved very much and you still remember till this day if so leave a comment below I would love to hear about it.